


Convenient

by notimmortal



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: But loves john very much, He has very low self esteem, John loves him too, M/M, Sherlock Is A Bit Not Good, im sorry, not the best writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:37:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4635972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notimmortal/pseuds/notimmortal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>con·ven·ient [kuh n-veen-yuh nt]</p><p>—adjective</p><p>suitable or agreeable to the needs or purpose; well-suited with respect to facility or ease in use; favorable, easy, or comfortable for use.<br/>at hand; easily accessible</p>
            </blockquote>





	Convenient

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've written so this isn't the best I'm sorry

Sherlock had solved yet another case. It had taken all of 13 hours, but it was solved. The killer was apprehended and Lestrade was satisfied.

"You've done it yet again, Sherlock. You may be a right git, but you're smart and convenient and caught us another murder."

Convenient. The word struck Sherlock like a blow to the head. It wasn't the first time he had been called that, either. Was that all he was? Convenient?

"Sherlock? Hey, Sherlock, did I lose you again?" Lestrade asked, shaking him a bit.

Sherlock could barely focus himself long enough to mumble, "I'm terribly sorry, Lestrade."

"You're sorry? Did I hear that correctly? The great Sherlock Holmes, apologizing to one of us lowly folks?" Donovan said snarkily, walking over to where they stood. "I didn't know sorry was a word you knew, Freak."

"Leave him alone, Sally."

"Why should I? He did his job, gave his statement. There's no reason for him to be here now. He's done what he was useful for."

Useful. Another word, similar to convenient. Was that what he was? Was that all he was? Sherlock didn't know. He didn't have the answers he needed. 

"She's quite right, Detective Inspector. If that's all I'm needed for, I suppose I'll be off," Sherlock said in an almost mechanical manner. He left before Lestrade could say anything else.

He contemplated the word convenient on the cab ride back to Baker Street. When thinking of the definitions of the word, he supposed it was true. He was located in a prime place, easily accessible. He was well suited for the job. He was convenient in every sense of the word.

So why did it feel like an insult?

He supposed it was because of the negative consequences of being inconvenient. If he were no longer convenient, he would go back to being alone like before. No cases, no friends. Just Sherlock. The druggie who was an inconvenience to his family and society. The thought made his stomach roll.

When he arrived at Baker Street, he saw a light in the window of the kitchen. John must've come back from his medical conference. 

Would John leave, too, if he were no longer convenient? Most likely. If John hadn't needed a flatmate, he wouldn't know Sherlock at all. He was only there now because there were no benefits to moving out on his own. Not that Sherlock offered that many benefits to begin with. Perhaps John would leave soon, too. This thought stopped Sherlock in his tracks. 

Sherlock had grown quite accustomed to having John around. If he were to be quite honest, Sherlock would even say that he had fallen in love with John. John cleaned and helped with cases and said nice things about Sherlock. He called him brilliant and fantastic and all sorts of things no one else ever did. He made Sherlock feel whole, made him a better person all around. Sherlock loved that. What would happen when Sherlock was no longer convenient? Would he be able to forget all John had done?

Sherlock walked into the flat nervously, as if he were afraid John would feel on sight. Instead, John looked up and smiled at Sherlock. "Tough case? You look worn out."

"It was longer than I expected it to be," Sherlock said, trying his hardest to keep his voice calm. "But the killer has been caught, so there is no reason for fear."

"That's great. You know, it's a miracle you decided to live so close to where all these crimes take place. Its so convenient-"

Sherlock froze, tuning John out after that word. Twice in one day. What did it mean? Why did people keep saying it? How long would people be around to say it? What if it wasn't true? What-

"Sherlock?"

"Is that all I am?"

"What?"

"Is that all I am? Convenient. Well located and useful for a job? Nice way for you to get an adrenaline rush? Something that can be used to a point before it's useless?" Sherlock's voice was rising with each phrase, becoming hysterical.

"Why on earth would you say that?"

"Because it fits! I'm convenient to the police because I can catch criminals they can't. I'm convenient to Mrs. Hudson because I supply her with rent. I'm convenient to you because I split the cost of living with you. I am nothing more than convenient. And when I stop being convenient-" Sherlock stopped himself, looking into John's frightened and confused eyes.

"Sherlock... Is this really how you feel about yourself?"

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Sherlock said, smiling sadly, voice cracking. "I'm convenient for now, but once that stops you'll all be gone. I'll be alone." 

"God, no, Sherlock. How could you even say that?" John walked over to Sherlock, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You mean so much to me, Sherlock. You're not just my flatmate, you're my best friend. You're the only person I want to be with, no matter how convenient you may or may not be."

"You say that now, but when I'm in the way of you and your next girlfriend you may think otherwise."

"Sherlock, you daft git, there is no next girlfriend. There's only you."

"But-"

"I care about you quite deeply, Sherlock Holmes. Not because you're convenient or anything like that, but because you do whatever you can to be there for me."

"Isn't that me being convenient?" Sherlock asked warily, refusing to give in to John's sweet words and tender gaze.

"No, its not. Because it's not convenient for you. This is something you go out of your way to do. And I love that about you."

"But if I'm no longer-"

"Sherlock. Look at me," Sherlock locked his gaze with John's. "I love you. I have since the beginning and I plan to for as long as you'll let me."

"I.. I love you, too, John," Sherlock said, collapsing forward into John's arms. "I truly do."

"You are not just something of convenience, Sherlock. I'm sorry anyone made you believe otherwise. You are the greatest thing that has happened to me. I love you to the moon and back."

"And when I become and inconvenience?" Sherlock asked in a small voice.

"You never will. You'll always be the most important thing in my world."

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually based vaguely on how I've been feeling with my friends recently. I took that and translated it through Sherlock. I hope you enjoyed (and I'm sorry if you didn't.) Thanks for reading ^-^


End file.
